According to, these are the top ten reasons for calling off of work:

1. I just put a casserole in the oven.
2. My plastic surgery needs some tweaking to get it just right.
3. My feet and legs fell asleep when I was sitting in the bathroom, and when I stood up, I broke my ankle.
4. I was gambling at the casino all weekend and still have money left. I need to stay to win it back.
5. I'm stuck in the blood pressure machine at the grocery store.
6. I got lucky last night and don't know where I am this morning.
7. I put my uniform in the microwave to dry and it caught fire.
8. I accidentally got on a plane.
9. I woke up in a good mood and don't want to ruin it.
10. Doug and Don were being mean to me again.

Okay, so maybe I added one in there since the list was a top 9... but you get it!