Need Turkey Help? Consult the Butterball Hotline

Today is Thanksgiving... and if you haven't already researched how to cook your 20 lb. bird, Big Wally has some help for you.

You can always go right to the source..... The Butterball Hotline. They will be happy to talk TURKEY with you. 1-800-BUTTERBALL is that magical number.

If you’ve ever wondered why companies like Butterball have a Turkey Talk-Line to help people cook a bird that, in theory, shouldn’t require all that much effort, here are some examples why.

A Reuters editor talked to the call-fielders at Butterball and came back with these head-scratching gems:

*Is it okay to thaw my turkey in the bathtub while bathing my kids?

*Can I brine my turkey in the washing machine?

*Can I use my oven’s self-cleaning cycle to speed up the cooking process?

*If I cut my turkey with a chainsaw will the oil affect the taste?

*Can I take my frozen turkey into my sauna to thaw it faster?

If you need to know the answers to any of these, then you should probably call the Butterball line… or order in for Thanksgiving

Step 1: Go buy a turkey.
Step 2: Take a drink of whiskey, scotch, or JD.
Step 3: Put turkey in the oven.
Step 4: Take another 2 drinks of whiskey.
Step 5: Set the degree at 375 ovens.
Step 6: Take 3 more whiskeys of drink.
Step 7: Turn oven the on.
Step 8: Take 4 whisks of drinky.
Step 9: Turk the bastey.
Step 10: Whiskey another bottle of get.
Step 11: Stick a turkey in the thermometer.
Step 12: Glass yourself a pour of whiskey.
Step 13: Bake the whiskey for 4 hours.