Lying; Why Do Some People Do So Much of It?

Some people say, "I never lie!" Well, that's a lie! We all lie from time to time. We make it sound innocent when we call it a fib. Lies rank from the small 'white lie, to bold face whoppers." So why do we do it?

It boils down to trying to look good both to ourselves and others, experts say.

"It's tied in with self-esteem," says University of Massachusetts psychologist Robert Feldman. "We find that as soon as people feel that their self-esteem is threatened, they immediately begin to lie at higher levels."

It's my experience that most lies aren’t meant to be hurtful to others, but rather are told to help the one doing the fibbing. These are the six top ways people lie.

1. Lying to Save Face.. ex...  “Gosh, I never got your email!” “Sorry I’m late, but there was a huge accident on the highway.”....
Why people do it: For self-preservation. While it may be instinctual, people who frequently cover up innocent errors may start to feel as if they have permission to be irresponsible.
Why lie when most of the time, a short apology is all that’s needed, and you can omit some details without sacrificing the truth. Something like “Sorry that I didn’t call you back sooner” is to the point and usually effective.

2. Lying to Shift Blame... ex...  “My husband never told me you called,” or "It was my bosses decision, not mine."

Why people do it: Because they want to shift the blame to someone other than themselves. Actually to anyone else, rather than themselves. “ When someone constantly saddles other people with his or her responsibilities, others can grow resentful of carrying this burden. Also, constantly passing the buck is downright exhausting. The deceiver keeps fielding requests but is only postponing the inevitable. Eventually the issue will have to be dealt with.

How you can avoid it? Just own up to it!  People will respect you more for being honest in the face of possibly getting your butt chewed out. And it only takes about 3-seconds to say "I screwed up," or "its my fault, I'm sorry." Then you'll have the rest of your day to do other things, more productive than covering up a stupid lie.

3. Lying to Avoid Confrontation.... ex...  “That’s a wonderful idea, Mom. I’ll make sure to get to the airport three hours before my flight.” “You’re doing a great job, but we can’t afford a housekeeper anymore.”

Why people do it: A believable excuse may help someone avoid an uncomfortable talk or keep that person from feeling guilty. But relying on non confrontation too often eventually does in, relationships―both personal and professional.   I personally think that a kind lie can be better than a hurtful one from time to time. BUT NOT ALL THE TIME!

4. Lying to Get One’s Way... ex... " I caught that bug that’s going around so I won't be coming in to work today.” or  “Officer, my speedometer, it must be broken.”

When a lie like this is uncovered, the recipient is unlikely to be very nice about it. And the more hurtful the lie is to the person on the receiving end, the less it’s likely to be forgiven.

Stop justifying. There are people who can justify anything away and they are OK with it! Maybe you think you deserved that day off. Or you figured it was late and there was no one on the road when you were speeding. The bottom line in both instances is this.... you were wrong and you should own up to it. If you have to convince yourself the lie is OK, it's probably not!

5. Lying to Be Nice... ex... "That dress looks fantastic on you.” “This is the best meat loaf I’ve ever tasted.”

Why people do it: In some cases, the little white lie is altruistic, says Smith, but when used excessively, it can make interactions with people less authentic. At its worst, others may feel that a person isn’t being genuine or trustworthy. In my case, when someone constantly says "you're major market material," or "you are brilliant at...'" It makes me think that something else.... may be up. You know what I mean?

6. Lying to Make Oneself Feel Better... ex... : “I’ll charge this stuff now because I’m going to pay off the credit-card bill as soon as I get my bonus.” or.”I rarely go on Facebook or play Farmville."

Why people do it?  To reassure themselves. But when people start to believe their self-deceptions, it can snowball, which is especially dangerous. One shopping spree can trigger can’t-pay-the-mortgage debt. And while denying hours spent in front of the computer is not a crime, it might cause a person to wonder where all his or her time is going―or get busted when the bonus coins keep popping up on "your FB Friend's" newsfeed!
Because self-deception can become almost automatic, “stopping isn’t simply a matter of just saying in the moment, ‘Hey, should I lie to myself right now?’” says Smith. Instead, pledging to face reality in the situations where you’re most likely to deceive yourself is a smarter tactic.

7. A Sociopath.... A sociopath is typically defined as someone who lies incessantly to get their way and does so with little concern for others.  A sociopath is often goal-oriented (i.e., lying is focused - it is done to get one's way).  Sociopaths have little regard or respect for the rights and feelings of others.  Sociopaths are often charming and charismatic, but they use their talented social skills in manipulative and self-centered ways.

8. Compulsive Liar.... A compulsive liar is defined as someone who lies out of habit.  Lying is their normal and reflexive way of responding to questions.  Compulsive liars bend the truth about everything, large and small.  For a compulsive liar, telling the truth is very awkward and uncomfortable while lying feels right.  Compulsive lying is usually thought to develop in early childhood, due to being placed in an environment where lying was necessary.  For the most part, compulsive liars are not overly manipulative and cunning (unlike sociopaths), rather they simply lie out of habit - an automatic response which is hard to break and one that takes its toll on a relationship

The terms Pathological Liar, Habitual Liar and Chronic Liar are often used to refer to a Compulsive Liar.

Are you, or anyone you know on this list?

YEA,  THAT'S THE TICKET.....

thanks to realsimple.com and truthaboutdeception.com