Dear Boys,

Notice, I wrote boys and not men. We, as in the female gender, do not care to hear about your bowel movements. Nor do we need to hear you exchange gas or burp. Use your manners and keep these things to yourself.

I do realize if you are drinking, particularly beer, then burping is of course going to happen, which is fine. Occasionally people have gas but I am referring to those individuals who think this is funny and love to share these things with everyone else at all times. Not appropriate and certainly not attractive. Your mother would be extremely ashamed of you! Now smarten up and use your manners!