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Top 5 WTF Missed Connections Posts on Binghamton Craigslist

Screen Shot of Craigslist

A special message for the well-adjusted, balanced, self-respecting individuals who don’t regularly prowl Craigslist for strange: ‘Missed Connections’ is a message board based upon the insane premise that you will make eye contact with a stranger in public and that the eye contact will have impassioned you both to a degree where you will both think ‘Better check Craiglist’ to see whether or not that person caught the same rush of feeling you did. I don’t expect you understand it. Just marinate in the madness.

TOP 5 WTF Missed Connections Posts on Binghamton Craigslist Countdown

Number 5 – Matt did somebody wrong

The post reads:

‘Matt, you’ve done me wrong. I hate you for what you’ve put me through. Some day I won’t love you any more and you’ll be sorry because when you come crawling back, the screen door will be hitting you on your way out.’

I think I actually exclaimed ‘WTF’ while reading this entry. Not only does this miss the actual point of a ‘missed connection,’ it’s clearly the capper to what was, presumably, a previously existent relationship. The burning question remains: Why would Matt find it here? It seems about as effective as writing your closing thoughts on a bathroom stall (which, thank goodness, people don’t also do). This person does get bonus points for the specific use of ‘screen door.’ Not just any door, Matt. The screen door will flimsily bump you on your way out. Hah!

Number 4 – Mysterious Price Chopper gentleman

The post reads:

‘You come in here all the time, usually later in the night..
You were in grey sweatshirt and sweatpants and black nikes..
Would love to get to know you a little better’

Mind blowing. Mostly, because when I want to get to know someone better, I talk to them. In person. But, different strokes for different maladjusted folks, I suppose. Also: grey sweatshirt, sweatpants, and black Nike’s is not a distinguished look. If you’re rolling the dice on missed connections, make sure you’re going afte

r someone wearing something that stands out. Or, you know, someone who gets dressed in real clothes when they leave their house.

Number 3 – I see you’re married, but who cares

The post reads:

I was in the bank last week. You are new there, and cashed my check. You have long reddish hair. I think you are beautiful. I was wearing jeans, black shirt and a jacket. I saw you have a ring, but was hoping we could meet anyway. Get coffee or just get busy, whichever suits you. Ive always been a chubby chaser.

If anyone who sees this knows if she is available, or anything more about her please let me know! And If you think this is you, get back to me soon!! I’ll send you a pic so you recognize me. ;P

I can get you out of my head!!

Sometimes, my thoughts scatter because I have no idea where to begin unpacking this message. Let’s try here: “Get coffee or just get busy, whichever suits you. I’ve always been a chubby chaser.” So, this guy walks into a bank, right? Sees a girl, sees a wedding band, and thinks, ‘I’ve got it! I’ll acknowledge her marriage, proposition her like a 13-year-old anyway, and then imply she’s fat. Brilliant!’ Knowing the Internet, it might work out. Also, excellent use of the winking, tongue-out smiley emoticon. That really keeps adultery playful.

Number 2 – Flirting circa 2013

The post reads:

I was on the flight from Philly Pa. to Binghamton arrived at 8:30 pm. I was hoping we could talk we looked at each other alot.

This was intended for a flight attendant. If there was a surefire onomatopoeia for ‘pained exasperated sigh,’ I would use it here. Technology is a beautiful thing, but I fear it’s crippled our ability to interact on a personal level. When you feel a strong connection with a flight attendant who looked at you a lot… that’s a problem. Flight attendants also look at me a lot. It’s usually when they’re handing me pretzels, asking me if I want ice in my ginger ale and showing me the safety mechanisms of the plane. Or, in simpler terms, doing their jobs. Come to think of it, I get flirted with all the time by bartenders, waitresses, cashiers, and nurses, too. Huh.

Number 1 – Most of this had to be censored

The post reads:

You are so sexy let me eat your [removed] till you [removed] and pass out, I’ve had a crush on you for a very long time.

My dwindling faith in humanity rests on the idea that this won’t come to pass. I have to believe that certain Craiglist posts aren’t real, in the same way that Batman needs to believe that Gotham can one day be rid of crime. It’s how I carry on. This individual picked an object of desire and promptly ran to the Internets to be as disgusting as possible about it. That’s pretty much it. ‘WTF’ fits it perfectly. Would you be flattered or woo’ed into a date or encounter with a person who wrote this? Would anyone? I’m not sure I want the answer to that.

Have you ever had a ‘Missed Connection’ directed your way? Have you ever written one? Am I missing the greatness of the process? Let us know!

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