Cyber Crime & E-mail Issues

Sooooooooo, last night my months of procrastinated stupidity culminated into a $750 debit in my cost of living index. LET ME SPLAIN, LUCY....

I was having trouble opening my hotmail account; MY MAIN EMAIL ACCOUNT. Apparently, Microsoft shut it down 'cause it said it was being used by someone or something somewhere else on the planet and they wanted me to verify that I was in fact.... ME! So.. I did... kind of. I had to give the geeks another email address (preferably valid) and a host of other crapola. ANYWAY... IT DIDN'T WORK... SO I CALLED... I'm not sure where I called... India, England or maybe a remote singlewide in Berkshire. But I gotta hold of someone...Actually 3 someones... all... with a very hard to understand Queen's English.
Soooooooo, while talking a the MICROSOFT TRIAD.... I discovered a hacker was attempting to pull up my PAYPAL info. "Big Wally-BigWally.... You are under a cyber attack. You must shut down your computer right now! DO IT NOWWWWWWWWWW"  she screamed. BUT.... I could not as he/she or it had control of my mouse. I eventually slammed the power button OFF OFF OFF! Whew.....

"Don't vorry.... ve can fix dat." Ok.... I am safe, 'thank you' I say...

THAT'S WHEN THE SECOND ATTACK HAPPENED......
The 3rd in the triad explained that there were 7,789,735 items wrong with my computer and they were gonna help me and fix all the problems....
FOR the low low cost of $2000.00! WHAT? 2 GRAND! Are you kidding me?
That, of course, was for the lifetime computer maintenance, PC protection and Vehicle Undercoating. That wasn't happening!
So, we finally decided on the 5 year $750 deal.. THAT I HAD TO PAY RIGHT THEN TO GET HAZEL THE HACKER Outta my downloader of porn! I agreed... to pay half then, and half when the job is done. (although I do not think the job will be done till I pay the other half... I'm really not sure how all this works)

And, the whole ordeal happened because my PC Cillin protection ran out and I did not... regrettably... renew yet. RATS!  Well, as Pappy Boyington used to say... "You can either pay me now, or pay me later..."
I fricken hate that hindsight is 20-20!
And oh.... My email is still not fixed!!! RATS!