Unabashed lover of large breasts, pornography, foul mouths, and loud music. Childhood diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder is possibly related to current position as Associate Editor and only female employee at GuySpeed.
Jackie Mancini
Toddler Hatching Killer Snakes in His Wardrobe is Just One More Reason We’re Not Procreating
Aren't children precious?
Santa Teaches Us That Being on the Naughty List is Kinda Nice
In other (fictional) news today, the real Santa Claus got a lap dance this week at Rick's Cabaret in Manhattan, and we were on the scene to capture the exciting night of Holiday cheer.
Vicky Pattinson — Celeb Crush
Now, let's put this out there right away: this UK lass is kind of out of her mind. However, she's also really entertaining.
Sultry Santa — Hot Mess of the Day
Location: County lockup.
Achievements: Ruining Christmas for all five people pictured, and an estimated many more.
Nina Nanook — Hot Mess of the Day
Location: The newly-built public transit system of Antarctica.
How Many Animals Died for Her Jacket: "Zero, they're all still technically alive." We didn't ask.
Skills: Living taxidermist (again, we didn't ask, expert camouflage hair colorist, freelance party entertainer -- ask about her special holiday 'Nanook of the North Terror Package...
Franny Freebird — Hot Mess of the Day
Location: A retired singles bus tour of European cathedrals.
Least Favorite City So Far: Amsterdam -- "So many drugs, it almost seems like they are legal there!"
Skills: Independence, funky fashions, scouting eBay to add to her Princess Diana beanie baby collection (current count: 79)
Most Played Track on her iPod Shuffle: 'Someone Like You' by Adele -- Her daughter says it's her "j
Give the Gift of Girth With a 3D Replica of Your Giggle Stick
You know how us dames are always telling you that we wish we could cast your manhood in bronze and carry it with us in our purse, so we'd accidentally wrap our hands around it while we were looking for our keys and grin, mischievously? No? I'm sorry, that must be a sore spot for you.
The Ladies of ‘Desert Sharks’ — Crush of the Day
Remember, you heard it here first: These ladies are about to be huge.
Itchy Ida — Hot Mess of the Day
Location: 3 feet from your itch, and still scratching it.
Hardest Things to Do With Long Nails: Playing Angry Birds, giving cootie shots.
Skills: Picking locks, changing the car radio station from the back seat, dosing cocaine.
Her Motto: "It's a long way to the top...
Britney Breakfasttime — Hot Mess of the Day
Location: Your kitchen.
How She Got In: "Hush, you're so silly! How do you like your eggs?"
Hobbies: Perfecting her french toast recipe, gluing small pieces of dry cereal to her body to eliminate the need for clothing.
Skills: One-handed frying pan flips, un-traceable phone calls, and patience
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